Zoned or Zonked
Somehow my life seems to consist of zones, compartments and seperatism. Almost as though I can’t multitask, (which I really can, read, watch televison, listen to the radio, hear the conversation in the next room and cook supper) on other levels.
Zones consist of work area, hobby area, love area, playtime area, children area, animal area, garden area and somehow, somewhere these zones seem to slide, merge, take on levels of urgency and importance, become distractions at certain times. Love however, for me, is always the common thread throughout all the zones, making certain decisions even more difficult at times.
Problem is juggling and being truly creative across the zones. For instance, a child needs a friend, someone to love them no matter how bad they have been, someone to play with them, even more so when they’re bored, someone to work with them and teach them, someone to feed them those tummy warming meals they love the best, tend to them and sympathise with them when they are sick, pick them up, dust them off, when they fall, listen to all their problems, no matter how trivial, give help where and when necessary. Problem is everyone wants the same attention, my boss, my friend, my neighbour, my garden, my animals… same routine in multiples of zones.
This is where the slippy-slidey focus occurs between the zones, all of a sudden one zone slides into up and another zone goes sideways, downwards, backwards and….I’m zonked! Which way is really up? How much time for family, children, friends, hobbies - does this suddenly become a lottery for my attention, or does the highest bidder win? Does this become management by crisis? Who or what comes first, how much time to allocate to each one, am I being selfish… too much time for me perhaps?
Some people seem to manage all these functions automatically, why do I always feel guilty when I spend so much time deciding which is most important for that particular moment, for that exact reason? I seem torn between love and duty sometimes and it is so hard to know what is right. I don’t ever want to compromise between these two factors but instead I seem to follow my gut instinct at the time, the one that feels exactly right. This for me does not seem less important to any of the loves in my life, rather for the benefit of the loves in my life. I believe that each and everyone that is important in my life will understand the importance of the other. Could I be wrong?
Please let me know what you think or feel!
August 9th, 2005 at 12:58 pm
To be able to really feel and follow your innermost trail is a talent to cherish. You seem to have a gift. And ideas that seem right to me. Isn’t life constant compromise? We can’t have it all. Use your inner compass.